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Why You Deserve To Go Out To Dinner Instead Of Cooking
Being eight months pregnant in no picnic, no matter what the magazines try to tell you. A woman's back aches, her feet bloat, and her stomach gets so big she can't even see her toes anymore. Despite feeling like an aerial blimp, though, she'll still insist on preparing a special home-cooked meal for two, to mark her anniversary.
You go to all the effort of planning a nice, but not too elaborate meal. A roast, perhaps, with baby carrots and mini-potatoes, and a green salad on the side. For desert you chose something simple. An apple pie with scoops of ice-cream sounds good. Not a very ambitious meal-plan, but one as distant as Mount Kilimanjaro for all the effort that it's going to take.
The problems began almost the moment Suzanne started taking the ingredients from the refrigerator. The meat, which she had removed from the freezer and left to thaw on one of the top shelves, was not a problem. The vegetables, however, were an entirely different matter. Despite her husband's reassurances that he would not forget to take them out of their drawers at the bottom of the fridge before leaving for work, he had most obviously forgotten. Only with a gargantuan effort was she able to bend down low enough to reach them on her own, let alone get them out of the drawers and onto the counter.
Once you have them where you want them, you immediately get to work peeling and cleaning them. This is an effort in itself, considering the additional distance that your belly puts between yourself and the sink and counter. Just as you find yourself wishing that your arms are at least a couple of feet longer than they currently are, you reach for the knife set and notice something you've never seen before. There are some sort of instructions glued to it.
Not able to restrain your curiosity, you pick up the block and hold it up to the light so that you can read what's written in them. The set is fairly old, and you wonder why you never noticed it before. But that is not what makes you put it right back down in complete surprise and confusion. It is what the instructions say. For some unfathomable reason, they tell you not to use the knives when pregnant or on your anniversary.
Strange, but not as strange as the one she had found on the microwave instructing her not to operate it within a one hundred-foot radius of the coffee maker. She decided she would ignore this one just as she had that one. Instead, she went to get out the roasting pan, only to discover that she could not reach it, no matter what she did or tried. It kept dodging from her fingertips, as if refusing to be captured by them. She huffed, she puffed, she tried; all to no avail.
When it happens for about the fifteenth time, she suddenly pictures herself bending over the roast, her back aching, as she bastes it again and again. All the times that her husband told her to sit back and take it easy come flooding back to her, and she understands why the warning about pregnant women using knives on their anniversary is there. She isn't surprised at all when he calls her a few minutes later and asks if maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't prefer going out to a really good restaurant tonight?
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